Alison Alexander from Goodwood was on a family vacation, but she didn’t hesitate when the call came to be a safety parent for a two-week-old baby girl.
This was no ordinary infant.
When she was two days old her alcoholic mother abandoned her and she had spent those first few weeks at the Karl Bremer Hospital suffering from withdrawal symptoms.
It wasn’t Alison’s first time fostering a baby or one with foetal alcohol syndrome (FAS). Around the world September is recognised as Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) month to raise awareness about FAS and FASD.
“We were the first safe home in Bishop Lavis in the late 1980s. This was after we were the only parents who responded to a call for safety parents in the area. Most of the children who came to me for safety were either from alcoholic or drug addict families, so I knew these special children came with learning disabilities and other issues.
‘Before going on holiday, our pastor’s wife gave me a book to take with as she knew I loved reading. The book was on adoption and the FAS child.
“I had built up a good relationship with social workers and they called to say the newborn had nowhere to go upon her discharge from hospital. The book was part of the reason I knew I had to take her as God must have meant for her to be placed with us. It was going to be for a period of safety which is usually two years, but when she was 3 years old we adopted her,” Alison explained.
Zoe became the youngest child Alison had ever taken in.
“She had withdrawal symptoms for almost a year. She would scream and her entire body would shake. All I could do was hold her and love her. She weighed a mere 1.2kg upon her discharge from hospital. I remember her fitting into my husband’s hand as she was so tiny.
“At 3 she had temper tantrums so bad she would pull clumps of hair out of my head. She kicked my shins until they were blue, but we kept on loving her.”
Alison’s biological children, Ulrich and Nastassja, loved their tiny new sister immediately and spoiled her.
“My children never doubted that we needed to adopt her. Nastassja named her Zoe, which means ‘life’. She impacted our family in a positive way. She is the baby and anyone would do anything for her. She always belonged and my children have learnt to embrace those who may be different.
“Zoe has also made us all realise that the circumstances you are born into does not matter. You can realise dreams way beyond what experts say.
“It has impacted our spiritual lives as we understand God has the last say.
“I see my unconditional love for children as something that God expects from me. It is seen as both a strength and a weakness, so I temper my love with lots of discipline,” said Alison.
Zoe, who is now 24, has exceeded the expectations of many. She achieved provincial colours in karate and South African colours in wrestling.
She defied doctors and psychologists who said she would not make it to high school and reached Grade 11 without being held back at any point.
“She failed the grade and didn’t want to go back to school and that was okay as we thought she had already done so amazingly. In 2022 she went to night school to complete her matric and last year she passed three subjects. She enrolled for three more subjects, which she completed in June. We are patiently waiting for her last results. While studying for her matric she also went to work part time.”
Alison is currently the house mother at Rainbow of Hope in Goodwood, which has been a place of safety for 14 children, with 10 still at the home.
Most of them arrived under the age of 10 and are now in their teens or early 20s. They are all either studying or excelling at a number of sporting codes.
Being a foster parent and a house mother, has meant Alison had to grow a thicker skin.
“There is a lot of racism aimed at a woman of colour managing a children’s home. I learnt to put my personal feelings aside as this was about the home and not about me. Often visitors feel they know better about running a home or dealing with the children, but I’m here on the ground every day.
“My love for children is a strength. I am bold when it comes to advocacy for children’s rights. I believe God has my back.
“I will never take a child without a birth certificate, a court order and a school placement. I insist on social workers doing their due diligence. I try to teach younger house moms how to navigate the system, getting the right paperwork and what their basic rights are as a service provider. I trust I am making a difference.”
After 30 years as a house mother, Alison has become a staunch advocate for changing the system.
“There are social workers who dump a child and you don’t see them until the next court date or when the child turns 18. We have to rid society of institutionalised care. It has never worked and it never will. Children are just a number and it’s the foster care system which needs to change. This includes the proper screening of families, the state paying for education and extramurals and not giving money to the house mom.
“In many townships especially children are fostered for the grant that’s received and then those children never see the inside of a school or they are drop-outs before high school. Foster care families should be seen as a service provider to the state,” Alison said.
Another notable achievement, is the second home, also in Goodwood and which allows Zoe and one of the older children, Shayner-Lee Wiese, to live independently.
“The need for independent living came from children being put out of homes when they are 18. We don’t have to as we are not sponsored by government, so we don’t have to tell them to leave. How at 18 can you be thrown to wolves like that? These kids don’t even have parents who care, so where will they go?
“After investing in the lives of the children for such a long time, we just couldn’t see them on the street and we decided on a second home for assisted independent living. Zoe and Shayner are living there and they have to budget so they are able to manage the home and save for a nest egg. There are many teething challenges, but it’s working for us.”
Living independently is a major milestone for Zoe, especially given the prognoses of experts when she was an infant. “Every child needs an opportunity to either study or find a job first before they are told to exit the home or foster home. Without the support of a family nucleus what will happen to 18-year- olds? They must be given an opportunity at creating a sense of independence for themselves.”
The future is bright for the children of Rainbow of Hope.
“Their future is virtually that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. We have amazing support from corporates and individuals who see how the kids are thriving and want to be part of their futures.
“We are actively pursuing a third home. The vision was always to have three homes: The first home for abandoned and abused babies like Rainbow of Hope was in the beginning. where they are cared for and nurtured until school-going age. The second home will be where they receive their education and the third home will be assisted independent living. That dream is fast becoming a reality.”
What this means is that Alison won’t retire …at all.
“No mother ever retires. I am a mom first and these children know no other mother. We are putting a succession plan in place for a new cohort of children.”
She has some sage advice for parents who are considering fostering or adopting a child with FAS.
“Educate yourself around FAS as no two children are the same. Be consistent when it comes to discipline and love. Zoe is living proof that it can be done.
“Do not let society dictate achievement, as your child can do so much more despite FAS.”
